I have a blog?

I completely forgot about this thing.

So updates, for the two people that read this blog, including myself. GF and I lost our jobs in August. Our call center was bought out by a Japanese call center owner and was downsized majorly, but in the usual way of firing everyone. Since then we've been furiously job hunting. My GF's parents were helpful enough to let us stay with them until I found work, which I found work about three weeks ago at a local computer shop that was in need of a Lead Technician.

I fit the bill well, at least I thought I did. About two weeks after I started it came out that I didn't go to church. The owner did, and so did everyone else who worked there. The next day I get a call from the owner just before I start to leave to head in saying "You didn't have the leadership skills I thought you did, and you haven't even suggested anything to help my business, so I'm going to have to let you go." So bam, 2 and a half weeks after starting a new job, I'm back at square one. This was last week. Last Thursday, to be exact.

Now, since I had found a job, I figured me and GF would be able to find our own cheap-ass place in a reasonable amount of time, when I started the job her parents were being pushy about us getting out, so I said we would try to be out by Christmas. Well, of course I lost my job, so that made finding a place to go a little difficult. But they still wanted us out by the 23rd, place to go or not.

I'm sure the person reading this is saying to themselves, "Well, don't you have any parents? Why don't you stay with them?"

That would be great if they would do that, but my tea party, southern baptist parents don't want their bisexual, transgender child living with them. I don't want to rail against them for their beliefs, they're at least letting us stay there over Christmas, so long as I play the part of a heterosexual male.

And on top of all that, when we lost our jobs in August, I had to let my insurance lapse for a month, because it was either rent, or insurance. So I have to pay $85 for my car's registration to be up to date.

So in a nutshell, now that I've remembered my blog, I might not be posting here again for a while.

Seriouspost

I'm pretty sure I have no readers now.  Been so long since I posted anything at all.

I have a problem with my memory. I can't remember most of growing up.  At most I remember small, insubstantial memories. Everything that I remember is emotions.  Being angry or sad.  Those are the strongest.  I can't remember being happy at all.  Fear is another one I remember.

I don't know what all this means, but I felt it might be important to get it down in writing.

Current events

So who here remembers when I made that post about the annoying roommates with the allergies? Well things have gotten better, much better in fact. Her boyfriend left, her allergies cleared up, we are kinda, sorta a couple. Lots of stuff. And we sometimes have sexy lesbian sex. >.<

But she is kind of derpy, in a cute way.

She is threatening to hit me now.

It is official...

I have no self-control. I've gone back and gotten into Warcraft again. >.< WTF is wrong with me? I gave that up a year ago, then they had to give me 7 free days and I got hooked again. I'm taking a few months off from eve to go play warcraft now. On Proudmoore - H.

I am so ashamed.

Why do I keep doing this from work?

I really feel like crying today. Nothing feels right for some reason. I feel like such a screw up. I have no money, a dead end job that doesn't pay for shit. And no chance of starting hormones any time soon.

Musings at work

I'm not religious. There, I said it. I don't believe in a god because I have no proof that god exists. I've never felt his or her's influence on my life like other people have.

This does not mean that I believe religious people are delusional. After all, there are things I've felt in my life that I have no real proof of, other than my word, and they seem pretty damn real to me.

I'm not completely opposed to the idea of a god. If I had some kind of proof I'd be more believing. It doesn't even have to be scientific proof.

That's all. I hope I can express this well enough when I come out to my parents.

Off day

This will be a terrible day. Waking up with a stomach bug will put anyone off. I also didn't sleep last night because of roommates allergies, and unfeeling particularly dysphoric today. I just want to lay down and cry.

I'm still months off from being able to afford a therapist visit. To say nothing of an endo and hormones.

A bad day in a series of bad days.